The Work

I am taking an interesting course that is an introduction to "The Work" by Byron Katie. I put a link to the website here and feel the need to explain. I find "The Work" interesting. I take issue with some of it, but I appreciate it as a tool to becoming more objective and, to use Bowen theory, to increase functional differentiation of self. On Katie's website, she posts the following question: "Who would you be without your story?" As someone who has spent years and years listening to people's stories, I have a deep appreciation for this question, however, this may be where Katie and I diverge. I believe our stories are powerful and not always self defeating. Everyone has a story. I am still struggling with who you are at your core when you get more objective about your narrative. Perhaps that is what Katie is getting at, but I am not sure and still grappling with this question.

Jan Heffernan

There are some life experiences that slowly slip out of your conscious memory, but that actually change who you are and how you think. I woke up this morning thinking about my friend and colleague, Jan Heffernan. I met Jan when I started working at Council for Jewish Elderly in 1996. At the time, Jan had just been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. She was in the middle of treatment and not expected to live long. Defying all odds, she lived for 5 years. Those were the five years I knew Jan and worked with her. I realize now that Jan taught me so much. I always knew she was admirable and I think I always appreciated how extraordinary she was, but I just now, as I approach 40, am gaining an appreciation for the lessons I learned from Jan. I used to think Jan had a "polly-annish" way about her. She always saw the best in others and always gave others the benefit of judging them favorably. When I was younger, I don't think I appreciated this quality about her, but looking back, I think I actually learned to be less judgmental and more willing to forgive others their faults because of Jan. So many of the things that Jan taught me are cliches: live every day like it's your last, savor the moment, appreciate good health and the people in your life. Jan had a great sense of humor. She radiated warmth, caring and concern for others, even when she was so sick that she could hardly function. It was part of who she was to her core. She was real and imperfect and delightful. "May her memory remain for a blessing".