Melbourne

We are in Australia.

Sea Monkey Graveyard

All of our sea monkeys are dead.

G-d Thinks We're Dead

5 year old Abigail, in bed, about to fall asleep: "Mommy, G-d thinks we are dead."
Me: "G-d thinks we're dead?"
Abigail: "Yes, because this is G-d (pointing with her forefinger, making an arch over our heads). We are in G-d's tummy. He swallowed us, so he thinks we are dead."

Why I Am Not A Republican

I spent some time this morning reading the official platform of the Republican Party. You can find it here: http://www.gop.com/2008Platform/.
There were many things that I disagreed with, but a few that really jumped out at me. In the chairman's pre-amble, he details some Republican ideals. Here are a couple: Devotion to the inherent dignity and rights of every person. Distrust of government's interference in people's lives. Faith in the virtues of self-reliance, civic commitment, and concern for one another. How can you hold an ideal that says you distrust the very institution that has been set up

London

Spent a three days touring around London myself while Andy was on a business trip. Remarkable city. One of my favorite things:

http://www.tate.org.uk/about/pressoffice/pressreleases/2008/15818.htm

Visited the Tate, Tate Modern and the National Gallery and the British Museum. Loved every single minute. More later.

$700 Billion Bailout Plan

The $700 billion bailout plan that was signed into law Friday by President Bush is disturbing in many ways. Here's how I see it: the rich parents of a bunch of spoiled brats who take no responsibility for their bad behavior rush to the rescue of their wayward 0ffspring. Ironically, the values that capitalists hold so near and dear to their hearts led us down this twisted path and now, when all goes awry, a giant, paternalistic bail out. I love the rhetoric of the Republicans. Government should be small. Government should just leave everyone alone to live their private lives and not interfere, UNTIL government must interfere, bail us out, prevent a crisis. It is nonsense. The shear hypocrisy is maddening. As I rant about this, my 5-year-old daughter holds out her had and says, "We shouldn't talk about this." because she can see how fired up I get.
And on another subject, regarding the hypocrisy of Sarah Palin: She says children with disabilities will have a friend in the White House if she is elected. A friend? She doesn't believe the government should fund programs for families who have children with disabilities. I thought she believed that "folks" can fend for themselves and that health-care should be left to the free market? I thought she was ripping on Obama and "accusing" him of wanted a national health system? No, not national health. A baby born with down's syndrome to parents who have no health insurance wouldn't be insured based on the policies of a McCain-Palin administration. A friend? She is no friend. OK, that is it for my rant for now.

The Work

I am taking an interesting course that is an introduction to "The Work" by Byron Katie. I put a link to the website here and feel the need to explain. I find "The Work" interesting. I take issue with some of it, but I appreciate it as a tool to becoming more objective and, to use Bowen theory, to increase functional differentiation of self. On Katie's website, she posts the following question: "Who would you be without your story?" As someone who has spent years and years listening to people's stories, I have a deep appreciation for this question, however, this may be where Katie and I diverge. I believe our stories are powerful and not always self defeating. Everyone has a story. I am still struggling with who you are at your core when you get more objective about your narrative. Perhaps that is what Katie is getting at, but I am not sure and still grappling with this question.

Jan Heffernan

There are some life experiences that slowly slip out of your conscious memory, but that actually change who you are and how you think. I woke up this morning thinking about my friend and colleague, Jan Heffernan. I met Jan when I started working at Council for Jewish Elderly in 1996. At the time, Jan had just been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. She was in the middle of treatment and not expected to live long. Defying all odds, she lived for 5 years. Those were the five years I knew Jan and worked with her. I realize now that Jan taught me so much. I always knew she was admirable and I think I always appreciated how extraordinary she was, but I just now, as I approach 40, am gaining an appreciation for the lessons I learned from Jan. I used to think Jan had a "polly-annish" way about her. She always saw the best in others and always gave others the benefit of judging them favorably. When I was younger, I don't think I appreciated this quality about her, but looking back, I think I actually learned to be less judgmental and more willing to forgive others their faults because of Jan. So many of the things that Jan taught me are cliches: live every day like it's your last, savor the moment, appreciate good health and the people in your life. Jan had a great sense of humor. She radiated warmth, caring and concern for others, even when she was so sick that she could hardly function. It was part of who she was to her core. She was real and imperfect and delightful. "May her memory remain for a blessing".

Great Quote

"I've learned that in the course of our life we leave and are left and let go of much that we love. Losing is the price we pay for living. It is also the source of much of our growth and gain....
And in confronting the many losses that are brought by time and death, we become a mourning and adapting self, finding at every stage - until we draw our final breath - opportunities for creative transformation." --Unknown author.

Firsts

Yesterday, Jacob rode his bike to Highland Park by himself (from my parent's place, which is three blocks away).

Alabama Getaway

How ya'll doin? We just got back from four excruciating days in Birmingham, Alabama. Don't get me wrong, we had a great getaway, but it was hard to get past the stark fact that we were in ALABAMA. This is not a state I have ever aspired to go to. When I asked the concierge, who was in his 70s, about the Civil Rights Institute, he preceded to hand me a map and point out all the shopping centers in Birmingham. In his drawl, he said something about how these are all the spots the "ladies" like to visit. Perhaps he didn't hear me ask about the Civil Rights Institute?

Why Does The Sun Always Have To Shine On Me?

Add irritated tone, exact quote from my 10-year-old son at 8:54 a.m. Tuesday morning.

Short answer:
"When we are driving north, the sun is rising in the east and you are sitting on the east side of the car."

Why Does The Sun Always Have To Shine On Me?

With irritation, exact quote from my 10-year-old son.

Power of a Dish Towel

I had the weirdest memory this morning. I got up at 5:30 a.m. to bake challah for tonight. The recipes says to cover the bowl with saran wrap and a clean dish towel. I remember my Bubba baking and covering her dough with a dish towel. I suddenly felt a strong connection to the past and to another generation. I have vague memories of watching her work with dough. I think she baked yeast doughs fairly often. I wonder what she was thinking while she was doing it. Did it bring her pleasure to bake for her family? Did it relax her? Did she even think while she was doing it? Did she have a motivation? I never felt like I knew my mother's mother. She always seemed vaguely dissatisfied, or maybe not so vaguely dissatisfied. Maybe just unhappy. I think she had a very sad life. Whatever the case may be, I like to think she found some pleasure in making the dough and baking for her family.

Glad she wears a shetl

I went to Hungarian Kosher Foods yesterday after a meeting at the Ark. I am fascinated with the Orthodox community. They are at once, very familiar to me and also completely foreign. I find myself staring at these woman trying to understand their lives and am at once completely in awe of them and then somewhat disgusted by them all at the same time. I wonder what it would feel like to be a part of this community. I have a fleeting urge to join them. I wonder how it would feel to have "self" so completely defined by Judaism, so central to my existence that it dictates how I dress, how I eat and who I associate with. Then I am envious for a second. Then I am grateful to be able to choose how I practice my Judaism. I think somebody has to be Orthodox. They represent an ideal to me, a standard of practice. But I know that it is ridiculous to idealize this community. There are all kinds of people in the every community and this community isn't the perfect ideal any more than any other community. I do love knowing that every person there on a Friday is shopping for their Shabbat dinner and the shared meaning that is associated with that. I also love walking out of the store as the grocery clerk says, "Shabbat Shalom". More to ponder: how is it that I am just now, as I approach 40, noticing how central G-d is to every single part of being Jewish? How is it that I have such an ambivalent relationship with this deity that is so central to a religion that I love? The song, "Love the one you're with" comes to mind.

I detest being judged!

Ironic that I struggle to be less judgmental and the one thing that really gets me going is being judged. Is it insecurity that gets unearthed when I feel judged? Is it because I am trying so hard to be more objective? Funny how my worlds have all collided and the sum of all I have learned since college has to do with being objective. As a reporter you are taught to be objective. As a therapist you are taught to be objective. I wonder why the two professions I have gravitated toward both have this as a basic tenet. Never really thought about that before.

Evaluation

I am so struck by the human need to constantly place a value on things. Is this something that is particular to the Jewish community or is it just something our brains do? Try and go through a day being completely neutral and objective about the world. See what happens. No judgments. No qualitative or quantitative adjectives. People seem to be in a constant state of evaluation.

Can anxiety be learned?

I wonder if I have learned to be anxious from everyone around me. I believe I used to have a calm inner core. I think it is still there somewhere, but I think I have learned anxiety if there is such a thing. I know theory says anxiety is contagious, but that is different than what I am talking about. Just a quick post to remind myself to breathe.Save Now

What Does G-d Look Like?

Abigail: "What does G-d look like?"
Me: "I don't know."
Abigail: "Is he in our heart?"
Me: "Yes"
Abigail: "What does he do in there?"
Me: "I don't know"
Abigail: "Does he play with our blood?"

End of conversation.