Another Decade

Jacob turned 10 on Friday. In his words, "Face it, woman, I am turning 10 and there is nothing you can do about it."

I am hanging on by a thread here. I don't know how I got to this place, but I am here and I am just managing to get through every day. Grief is a funny thing. It is like I never grieved for any of my grandparents and now WHAM, all at once, I am feeling a massive sense of loss all at once. How do people get through major loss in their lives and carry on? I don't know how people muddle through, but I know that they do.

I don't want to muddle through life feeling depressed and angry all the time. I want to be happy, calm and grateful for all the good in our lives.

I feel restless. I want to do more. I want to do something.

I want, I want, I want. Isn't that the problem?

I want my kids to be good people, I want them to be happy, I want them to be ethical and kind.